{"id":16562,"date":"2019-11-15T23:41:53","date_gmt":"2019-11-15T23:41:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.humnutrition.com\/blog\/?p=16562"},"modified":"2020-10-21T18:49:05","modified_gmt":"2020-10-21T18:49:05","slug":"avoid-holiday-conflicts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.humnutrition.com\/blog\/avoid-holiday-conflicts\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Tips to Avoid Holiday Conflicts with Your Family"},"content":{"rendered":"As soon as the holidays are in sight, a few things come to mind. Namely, how to decorate your home and what to cook for your holiday dinner<\/a>. What might be helpful to think about, however, is how to avoid family conflicts during it all. While the holiday season can<\/em> be the most wonderful time of the year, it can also be the most dramatic. Before you know it, what you thought (and hoped) would be a joyous, stress-free reunion has become a space for political debate, relationship judgment<\/a>, and more. In these situations, it helps to know how to handle triggers to proactively avoid blowups. To help you do so, we chatted with Risha London Nathan, LCSW, HHC<\/a>, a licensed therapist in New York City. Discover the five tips that she swears by to avoid holiday conflicts (as well as those that may surface year-round).\r\n

How to Avoid Holiday Conflicts with Your Family<\/h2>\r\n

1. Be aware of expectations<\/h3>\r\n\u201cIf you go into situations with the expectation that family or friends will be different than what they\u2019ve been in the past, it tends to be a recipe for disaster,\u201d Nathan says. \u201cManaging expectations is something that’s helpful for people across the board. By lowering expectations, there\u2019s less room for disappointment. If the expectations are set high, people are bound to be very let down and there\u2019s a tendency to pull away. A helpful way to gauge your expectations is just to ask yourself what you\u2019re hoping the experience will be. [This makes it] easier to weed out what\u2019s really important from what might be more of a fantasy.\u201d\r\n

2. Check in with yourself<\/h3>\r\n

A great way to avoid conflict is to check in with yourself before you have the chance to feel triggered. \u201cAsk yourself some questions about where you\u2019re at so that you\u2019re able to reset a little if anything is coming up for you before you go into the situation,\u201d Nathan suggests. \u201cYou can start by asking simple things like: How am I feeling today? How do I feel about seeing so-and-so? Do I feel triggered in thinking about what conversations might come up? What do I need to be able to have a more positive experience?<\/em>\u00a0This helps with grounding and being present. [Plus, it makes you] aware of what\u2019s going on so that you\u2019re better able to handle whatever comes at you.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\"Family\r\n

3. Think about establishing boundaries<\/h3>\r\n

Nathan says that if you tend to reach a point of no return with your mood, it’s a good idea to give yourself space when needed. \u201cThis doesn\u2019t mean avoidance and running away,” she explains. “It means using your voice and being able to calmly and rationally say what you need to avoid conflict. For example: ‘Hey mom, I\u2019m feeling pretty drained after all the family time last night. I\u2019m going to take some me time and go to a yoga class<\/a>, but I\u2019m happy to help you later.’<\/em>\u00a0Establishing boundaries builds self-esteem and confidence<\/a>. It also sets some ground rules that generally end up feeling positive for everyone involved. If people push back against your boundaries, it\u2019s important to continue to state what you need and remind them that you\u2019ll be far better when you\u2019re with them if you\u2019re able to do what you need to do for yourself.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n

4. Kindly shut down <\/strong>triggering <\/strong>topics<\/strong><\/h3>\r\n

\u201cSome topics that tend to come up are politics, environment, weight, and relationship (or lack thereof) commentary,\u201d Nathan acknowledges. \u201cBe aware of the places where you want to lash out or completely pull away. Instead, focus on trying to stay engaged in a way that lets people know what\u2019s okay and what\u2019s not,” as in, “‘Wow, Uncle George, you seem really passionate about your political views. I get it; I am too. I\u2019m wondering if we might be able to put that convo aside since it tends to trigger a lot of emotion for me and it takes away from all the fun and joy I feel in seeing everyone.’ <\/em>This is a gentle way to let people know you\u2019re not rejecting them but that you\u2019re unwilling to go to a place that will just leave everyone angry and disconnected.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n

5. Remind yourself that all things are temporary<\/h3>\r\n

\u201cWhenever you get overly stressed<\/a> or worried about interactions, it can be helpful to remember that the feeling will pass,\u201d Nathan explains. \u201cSeparating your feelings from thoughts about what it all means can be a helpful way to manage your mood. If things feel overwhelming or inescapable, remind yourself that there\u2019s a time limit. Do the things you need to avoid holiday conflicts and set some healthy boundaries. Focus on enjoying your experience for what it is: imperfect. You’ll end up feeling better within the visit, and less guilty afterward.”<\/p>\n

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As soon as the holidays are in sight, a few things come to mind. Namely, how to decorate your home and what to cook for your holiday dinner. What might be helpful to think about, however, is how to avoid family conflicts during it all. While the holiday season can be the most wonderful time […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":30,"featured_media":16708,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_toc_level":"h2","_toc_min":2,"footnotes":""},"categories":[825,826],"tags":[879,431,284,442],"coauthors":[],"class_list":["post-16562","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mind","category-stress","tag-holidays","tag-mindfulness","tag-relationships","tag-thanksgiving"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n5 Tips to Avoid Holiday Conflicts with Your Family | HUM Nutrition Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Holidays can stir up a lot of emotions. 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