{"id":16084,"date":"2019-10-29T18:52:43","date_gmt":"2019-10-29T18:52:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.humnutrition.com\/blog\/?p=16084"},"modified":"2021-06-08T00:21:37","modified_gmt":"2021-06-08T00:21:37","slug":"mark-groves","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.humnutrition.com\/blog\/mark-groves\/","title":{"rendered":"6 Pockets of Wisdom from Relationship Expert Mark Groves"},"content":{"rendered":"Human connection specialist Mark Groves discusses six key insights that can help you establish and maintain healthy, functional relationships.<\/em>\r\n\r\nPoint blank: These days, relationships today weird. Some will blame our generation\u2019s noncommittal nature on social media<\/a> (for a lack of human connection<\/a>) or dating apps<\/a> (for endless options).\r\n\r\nBut truth be told, relationships have always been complicated. Why? Because feelings are tricky. Also, who wants to be vulnerable? You can rattle off excuses as much as you want, but conflict stems from a singular issue: how connected we are to our true selves<\/em>.\r\n\r\nI had the pleasure of hearing “emotional translator”<\/a> (read: empathetic and empowering relationship expert) Mark Groves speak on the topic. To pay it forward, I took notes on the major pockets of wisdom he shared.\r\n

6 Insights on Healthy Relationships from Mark Groves<\/h2>\r\nHere, Mark Groves highlights key points about relationships, which explore intricacies concerning your past, present, and future.\r\n

1. Quality Relationships Are Directly Related to Long Life<\/h3>\r\nRelationships are hard work. And if you\u2019re thinking, Screw it, I\u2019m just gonna do me<\/em>, that\u2019s cool, too.\r\n\r\nHowever, know that relationships are actually a huge indicator of happiness and longevity.\r\n\r\nAccording to the Harvard Men\u2019s Study (the longest running study on happiness and well-being), the greatest predictor of your health<\/a> at 80 is the quality of your relationships at 50: \u201cnot your cholesterol, not your blood pressure, not your diet, not your socioeconomic status,\u201d Mark shared.\r\n\r\nThese relationship findings are mirrored in research on corporate cultures<\/a>. \u201cOne of the top defining characteristics of a healthy corporate culture is the psychological safety to be one self,\u201d he elaborated.\r\n\r\nSo, if you ask us, it’s not a bad idea to nurture your relationships from the get-go.\r\n\r\n\"Couple\r\n

2. Your Needs Matter As Much As Your Partner\u2019s<\/h3>\r\n\u201cThe ultimate goal in relationships is to create safety and security to be yourself<\/a>,\u201d Mark reiterated. In my opinion, this part is the one many people fail to achieve.\r\n\r\n\u201cA defining characteristic of a secure connection is this: My partner\u2019s needs matter as much as my own\u2014not more than my own, not less than my own, but as much as my own<\/em>,\u201d explained the relationship expert.\r\n\r\nBut if you\u2019re spending too much time tending to your partner\u2019s needs, you\u2019re likely off balance from your own.\r\n\r\n\u201cMost people will self-abandon to save relationships; we\u2019re evolutionary programed to do so,\u201d he warned. You learned this as a child and, if you\u2019re not aware, you\u2019ll repeat this toxic pattern in your own relationships as an adult.\r\n

3. Understand How Your Childhood Plays a Role<\/h3>\r\nAccording to a study from the Gottman Institute (the leading researchers on marriage and family), there are four things they see that result in divorce<\/a>:\r\n
    \r\n \t
  1. criticism<\/li>\r\n \t
  2. contempt<\/li>\r\n \t
  3. defensiveness<\/li>\r\n \t
  4. stonewalling<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n\u201cAll of these are learned mechanisms and survival strategies we learned as kids that we observed our parents do, which made us feel safe,\u201d Mark commented. When these feelings and behaviors arise, you\u2019re just trying to protect yourself from getting hurt.\r\n\r\nIf you want to strengthen your relationships in a real way, these moments are a great time to invite your partner to talk honestly.\r\n\r\n\u201cSay something like, ‘Hey I noticed you just got defensive. What are you afraid of being hurt by and why?’ Getting curious in these moments is very powerful,\u201d he urged.\r\n\r\n\"Shot\r\n

    4. When You Love Yourself, You Heal Toxic Patterns<\/h3>\r\nMark threw out a specific scenario: Have you ever been in a fight with your partner about something as innocent as leaving the toilet seat up? The level of offense is maybe a two, but the reaction can quickly dial up to a 10.\r\n\r\n\u201cThat\u2019s because in conflict, we tend to default back<\/a> to when we first experienced that feeling. We go back to the age at which we first felt rejected,\u201d he explains.\r\n\r\nEssentially, we\u2019re waiting for our parents to choose us, to love us, to stay for us. \u201cThis is why we tend to get into relationships with people who hurt us in similar ways that our parents did,\u201d Mark explained.\r\n\r\nIf we want to heal, it\u2019s our responsibility to practice self-love<\/a> so we don’t project these wounds onto our partners.\r\n

    5. Take Accountability for Your Words and Energy<\/h3>\r\nIt may sound trite, but according to another study from the Gottman Institute, a positive attitude could be the difference between a lasting union and a split.\r\n\r\nIn this study, couples that had over five positive interactions for every negative one had more successful relationships<\/a> overall. Essentially, the more positive the interactions and conversations were, the better the relationship was.\r\n\r\nAccording to the study, anything below this five-to-one ratio predicts divorce. \u201cIt just shows you the impact of our words,\u201d Mark emphasized.\r\n\r\nThat said, he cautions against the opposite scenario. \u201cThere is, of course, an end where everything is too<\/em> positive<\/a> and you’re not grounded,\u201d he warned. \u201cIt\u2019s really about how you show up when you’re hurting. Do you show grace? Do you act kindly?\u201d\r\n\r\n\"Couple\r\n

    6. You Always Have the Power to Make a Different Choice<\/h3>\r\nThe topic of relationships is complex, and these insights by Mark Groves are just an intro into understanding healthy ones. Yet still, it\u2019s a subject many of us are making an effort to learn more about.\r\n\r\nSure, everyone has issues. But as adults, it\u2019s our job to be cognizant of those obstacles and to work at healing them<\/a> head on. If we aren’t and we don\u2019t, we’ll carry our pains into new relationships that can carry over to succeeding generations.\r\n\r\nAs Mark put it, \u201cIn all the moments in which you experience pain and triggers, you have wisdom that invites you to reevaluate. In everything you’re reacting to, there’s a different response that\u2019s waiting for you.\u201d\r\n\r\nIn sum, it all comes down to how real you\u2019re willing to get with yourself.\r\n\r\nTo learn more about Mark Groves and benefit from his expert relationship advice, you can follow him on Instagram @createthelove<\/a> or view his\u00a0TEDx Talk<\/a>.<\/em>\n
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    \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t539 Reviews\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t
    Ashwagandha Calm Gummies<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t
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    \n\t\t\t\t\t\t$26<\/span>SHOP NOW<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
    \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Human connection specialist Mark Groves discusses six key insights that can help you establish and maintain healthy, functional relationships. Point blank: These days, relationships today weird. Some will blame our generation\u2019s noncommittal nature on social media (for a lack of human connection) or dating apps (for endless options). But truth be told, relationships have always […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":32,"featured_media":16089,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_toc_level":"h2","_toc_min":2,"footnotes":""},"categories":[825,830],"tags":[1159,975,431,284,506],"coauthors":[],"class_list":["post-16084","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mind","category-mood","tag-experts","tag-love","tag-mindfulness","tag-relationships","tag-social-media"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n6 Pockets of Wisdom from Relationship Expert Mark Groves | HUM Nutrition Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Human connection specialist Mark Groves shares essential advice for healthy relationships. 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